Contrary to fairy tales and romantic comedies, no two people are perfectly matched. But that’s not a bad thing. There are so many areas in which we can have personal preferences. From cuisine to fashion, from hobbies to art, we get to decide what we like. The same should go for romantic relationships. No one should ever feel constrained by outside expectations when it comes to finding a partner.
All that said, is it possible to be too picky in your love life? Are your boundaries, deal-breakers, and preferences helping or hindering you? Of course, the answers are nuanced, but they very much warrant more attention.
How Might Your Boundaries and Standards Be Affecting You Right Now?
There’s an inherent logic to being picky in love. Why wouldn’t everyone want a partner who aligns with their needs, beliefs, dreams, interests, and values? Unless you’re looking to “play the field” for a while, your standards are what keep you from wasting time and from settling.
At the same time, the more stringent your boundaries, the fewer people you will consider. Narrowing the dating pool is not automatically a positive because love is not something you can measure or predict. Also, there’s the inevitable reality that everyone changes and evolves over the years. Two people who feel in sync today can experience unexpected incompatibilities later on. In other words, as carefully as you filter your prospects, no two people are perfectly matched.
Are Some People Picky By Nature?
There is an element of personality or temperament here. For some folks, pickiness is not a sign of being particular. It’s an expression of who they currently are. If you’re the type to comparison shop or agonize over menu choices, this can carry over into how you approach your love life. Such a trait can be natural to one person, while the next in line tends to be more impulsive. Be sure to factor this in when making any major decision.
Why Is It So Hard to Find a Healthy Balance?
A few factors and questions to keep in mind:
- It’s daunting to look for a partner. Without a doubt, it’s one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make.
- Even when your values and other intangibles seem to line up, there’s always the abstract concept of what “feels” right. This isn’t a computer program; it’s an emotional process.
- How long do you feel you need to know someone to make an accurate long-term assessment? Do you need instant chemistry, or are you looking for a slow burn?
- What is most important to you? What are your non-negotiable deal breakers?
Another growing factor is societal influence. Pop culture regularly presents us with unrealistic portrayals of how all of this works. It can make you feel confused and disappointed when real life does not behave like fairy tales and romance novels.
Perhaps the biggest current factor in the role of social media. Suddenly, we are being inundated with intentionally false content that can dramatically affect how we view ourselves and the world. We’re surrounded by curated images and AI fakes that make us feel like we’re the only ones who haven’t figured out life. As a result, we harbor unrealistic expectations that border on self-sabotage.
Where Does All This Contemplation Leave Us?
“Picky” is the eye of the beholder. However, the eye of the beholder is being influenced by some less-than-ideal factors. Individual therapy is specifically designed to help you step away from all the noise and reconnect with your deepest self. Dating is a challenge, but with professional guidance, it can become easier than you might imagine. Let’s talk soon.
