The term “gaslighting” originates from a 1938 play and 1994 film and has become a bit of a buzzword in the twenty-first century. And it’s about time. The behavior behind the word must very much be exposed and addressed. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. More specifically, it involves one person manipulating another into not trusting the evidence of their own senses. From there, things can escalate to a point at which the victim starts to question their own sanity.
While such deception is most often associated with romantic relationships, it is far from limited to one venue. Therefore, it’s become essential that we recognize gaslighting when we experience it. Simply put, everyone and anyone is a potential target of such manipulation
Some of the Signs of Gaslighting
Each instance is unique, but some universal behaviors have been documented. Let’s take a closer look at a few of them that are common in any kind of relationship:
Lying
This approach can take several forms but it’s not unusual for a gaslighter to also be a habitual liar in general. They tell blatant lies and anyone who questions them is deemed “crazy” or “forgetful.” Gaslighting also arrives in the form of distortions. An abuser will fabricate stories that seem accurate and contain an abundance of half-truths. A common example of this involves reframing past stories to make themselves look good. Basically, whatever they say or do, a gaslighter will casually and convincingly deny wrongdoing.
Invalidate and Minimize
In the name of building up their own credibility, the abuser may tell others that you’re the one who exaggerates stories and revises history. They may even do so under the guise of being concerned about you. Such discrediting positions you as unstable, so when you challenge the gaslighter, you are not likely to be believed. When in the presence of others, you may find your emotions being minimized. Your abuser will assure everyone that you’re “fine” but you tend to be “sensitive” and “over-react.”
Distraction
When someone is gaslighting you, they will typically engage in distractions. They change the subject, shift the focus to you, and do anything they can to derail your train of thought. This can leave your discomfort unresolved and is often the start of questioning yourself. You wonder if maybe you are confused and too reactive.
How to Deal with Gaslighting in Non-Romantic Relationships
Firstly, take some time and space to get in touch with what you feel. Ask yourself if you relate to any of these feelings:
- You doubt your own memory, emotions, judgment, and perceptions
- At times, you wonder if you’re losing touch with reality
- You’re wondering if everyone is right about you being unstable, forgetful, and often confused
- You apologize often, even when you’re not sure you’ve done anything wrong
- You second-guess virtually everything you do and say
If this sounds familiar, you’ll want to talk with a mental health professional while also taking some concrete steps toward freedom, for example:
- Gather Evidence: Screenshots of conversations, for example, can verify to others that you are indeed being manipulated. If things escalate, consider recording conversations with your abuser.
- Seek Support: Connect privately with trusted friends and family members and tell them what’s happening. Ask for input and advice, but stand your ground if you feel you’re being reflexively doubted.
- Speak Up: Tell your abuser you’re on to them and have told others. You know how they’ll react, so be prepared for the onslaught of denial and deflection.
Again, however, a scenario like this is best not handled alone. If you feel you’re the target of gaslighting in a non-romantic relationship, let’s connect and talk as soon as possible.
